Friday, March 23, 2007

The Lives of Others <别人的生活>

Nothing is Private
Nothing is Sacred

If something is banned in China, it must be great! Quality proofed by Beijing. Just like "Notes on Tibet" by Woeser is a brilliant book but it offically banned, and because of that she also lost her job. “The Lives of Others”, is kind of officially banned film in China, plus a friend highly recommends this movie. So, I have no reason to reject the best film.

Have no regrets, after a watched this fantastic movie. At once a political thriller and human drama, The Lives of Others begins in East Berlin in 1984, five years before Glasnost and the fall of the Berlin Wall and ultimately takes us to 1991, in what is now the reunited Germany. The film traces the gradual disillusionment of Captain Gerd Wiesler, a highly skilled officer who works for the Stasi, East Germany's all-powerful secret police.

In deed, I felt this story somehow is just happening around me. Why a banned film in China created so many reactions from public, especially among artists and academics. People keep saying, for our life we have to watch "the lives of others". And, to me this is really a reflection of situation in TAR so I felt strong about it. Moreover, this film also gives a message of hope and a message of beauty to those people who live under repression and under monitor.

The Lives of Others, 《窃听风暴》或《别人的生活》,我自己更偏爱《别人的生活》这样的片名。毕竟现在从中国,英国到美国没有哪个不以“国家安全”National Security 的名义在干预别人的生活。为了国家、为了你我的安全,当“国家”到处安置摄像头、增加国家安全预算,我们并没有觉得自己生活的空间安全了,反而更加恐惧、更加不安。

Review from Chinese audience:

对人性的提纯

中共的窃听技术和手段,早在上世纪四十年代就相当先进。由江苏人民出版社出版的《西安事变新探──张学良与中共关系之谜》(杨奎松著)中就有描述。书中说,毛泽东对长期坚守陕北根据地表示乐观的理由之一,就是“红军窃听电话和破译电报工作相当成功,对于敌人军事行动部署几乎了如指掌”。

后柏林墙与后天安门

研究自由主义与中国宪政民主转型的成都大学法学讲师王怡看了《窃听风暴》后说,“我几乎爱上了这部电影”,“这部电影给世界一个机会,尤其是给中国人”。

他说,东德国安部监控了1800万人中的600万,线民人数接近全部人口的十分之一,柏林墙竖起的近30年间,平均每天就有8人以“破坏国家安全”的罪名被捕。

他说,德国统一后,国安部的全部窃听档案,开放给所有公民查阅。这些监控资料一本本铺开,足有1000公里长,无数人发现自己的同事、朋友、律师和医生都是国安部的告密者,整个社会以极大勇气,承受前所未有的道德打击。

1989年的柏林墙和天安门,影片导演是“后柏林墙”一代,而他则是“后天安门”一代。他说:“我能体会一个‘后柏林墙’时代的青年导演,能拍出那样椎心刺骨的创伤。”

中国缺乏这类影片

凭借电影《世界上最疼我的那个人去了》和《我们俩》获得多项电影节大奖的35岁新锐女导演马俪文看完电影《窃听风暴》后的最大感受是,影片“沉静”地表达给她留下深刻印象。该片不仅有大的历史背景,还关注着个人的命运,并伴随着冷静的思考。中国缺乏这种类型的影片。

中国电视剧四大最卖座导演之一、《东京审判》导演高群书说,《窃听风暴》风格简约,表现手法真实,令他十分欣赏。他说:“生活对人来说不是绝望,而是充满了希望。这部影片是对人性的提纯。”他认为,《窃听风暴》有监视、有特工,但更主要的是表现普通的日常生活,拍出了一波三折的戏剧性,同时还有奇特的温情。
《联合早报》

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Foreign blog providers blocked

China's Net Nanny is having some kind of emotional issue: in the last few weeks, Livejournal, Xanga, and Blogspot have all been blocked.

The Nanny has been playing a game with Blogspot for sometime now. It was first blocked in 2004. Here are three subsequent Danwei posts:

Blogspot working in Beijing again November 23, 2006
Blogspot blocked again October 27, 2006
Blogspot unblocked August 9, 2006

Thanks to Shaan, Bibby and K for the tips
Posted by Jeremy Goldkorn, March 20, 2007 07:37 PM

something wrong 郁闷


... What Went Wrong? ...

Damned, I have no clue what went wrong with my blog. Since yesterday I cannot post, I cannot view my blog as well as others. It’s painful to use other services to write blog.

Monday, March 19, 2007

西藏的绘画,今天的含义by 唯色

之一:更敦群培画廊  

“我无法理解今天的含义”,这是译成中文的曼德尔施塔姆诗句。不知何故,最初,在一个烈日燃烧的下午,在帕廓北街与东街的交汇处,那个与经幡缠绕的甘丹塔钦咫尺相隔的画廊,不同于拉萨众多的商业画廊的标志似乎是它的名字:“更敦群培”(西藏近代伟大的人文主义者,也是一位佛门奇僧),被吸引的我因此走入蓦然清凉许多的石头房子里,见粗糙的白墙上挂着一幅幅布画,有些画令我格外心动,而心动的原因,似乎就是这诗句:“我无法理解今天的含义”,似乎正是这些画传达给我的感受,不知何故。

那个下午,直至盘桓许久离开之时,才瞥见一个很像是帕廓一带的西藏女子披着湿漉漉的长发匆匆进屋,像是画廊的工作人员,竟再也不见他人,这倒也使得我悄悄拍了几张我喜爱的画,抱歉,我知道这是不允许的。后来在网上看到“更敦群培画廊”(http://www.asianart.com/exhibitions/gendun/),真是开心。这下我可以很从容地徜徉在网络画廊里,挑选我偏爱的画,下载,放在专门的文件夹里,甚至可以放在我的博客上,变成我的“公告”。呵呵,在画家不知悉的情况下如此擅为,还望多多原谅。

网友密如仔的评说是:“每到拉萨我最喜欢去的地方就是‘更敦群培画廊’。穿过帕廓街密集的商摊,走进这个由几个年轻藏族画家自筹自办的画廊时,拉萨给予我的那种沉溺堕落的感觉一下子融化在这些充满生命的绘画里……再过几十年几百年之后,当人们想了解这个古城的这段坎坷岁月时,他们一定能从这些藏族画家的作品中感受到我们的喜和悲,我们的渴求和挫折。”

朋友Susan看到我的博客里的“公告”变成了一个骑自行车的藏女(她的身后是一架笨拙的飞机闯入云端,还是一条肥硕的白鱼在天上飞啊飞?嘿嘿,穿着藏袍的她,竟然骑的是男式的自行车!让我想起前几年,那些被叫做“阿西”的康巴女子,浑身挂满向游客兜售的鲜艳首饰,就骑着这样的男式、老式自行车,勇猛地飞驰在拉萨的大街上!如今似乎很少见到了),给我发来电子邮件说:“除了觉康(大昭寺),画廊是我在拉萨的第二个家呢。去时,有时和看家的画家聊天,有时他们看影碟(特别是念扎和宗德,总是迷得不得了),我看画。更多时就一人坐在群画之间,让我所有的一点点西藏历史知识在心上反复。”说到一群藏人围坐着看电视的那张画,她说:“还有一张色调更暗,观众表情更专注的”,是“同一主题,同一构图”,但“去年夏天再去,那张画已经不在画廊了。据念扎自己说,画已经被美国的一家画廊永久典藏了。为他高兴!我自己特别珍爱念扎作品中人物脸部喜悦的表情———不管他们在看电视或骑单车。画面中的那一刻,似乎传达了画家对藏族的无限同情”。

而我呢?是不是还会继续重复曼德尔施塔姆的诗句呢?当然,当然。


之二:念扎的画 



念扎是拉萨人。远远的,看着他走来时,他的年轻和他的痼疾令人心软。

念扎画的人物,以前一眼看得出是藏族人,现在不太看得出是藏族人。看来他是故意的,故意不想让自己画的人,那么容易被看出是藏族人。所以他开始画坠落的女子,画坠落中还在吹气球(那气球太鲜艳了)的女子,在似乎缓慢的坠落中面带微笑或者十分安详,但已经没有了过去的画中,那些一眼就能分辨的西藏符号:藏式的服装,藏式的发型,藏式的首饰,甚至普通藏族人的吐舌习俗(哪怕他画的吐舌带有戏谑的意味)。看来念扎要抹掉那些西藏的符号,他不需要,因为他本身就是。但在他的画里,我再一次看见了“灵魂碎片的飞扬”,这于我心有戚戚。

有意思的是,即使如今他在画这些似乎模糊了外在身份的人物时,在我的眼中,他的画还是把他变成了一个西藏画家。无论是穿上藏装也罢,不穿上藏装也罢,画中人是这样地与西藏的任何一个女子相像无比,不禁令我在他的画前久久驻留。需要补充:这种相像并不是外表的相像。比如就我自己而言,我长成了这样,我穿成了这样,我一开口就把汉话说成了这样,把我错认成汉族人乃是常有的事情,然而,我是吗?我是吗?呵呵,我们都是藏族人,这个身份藏在我们的心里。而我这么说,并不意味着宣布我是一个民族主义者,我只是在确认我自己的身份,如此而已。

把自己的画挂在帕廓某个拐角处,把自己这个人安顿在策墨林某个院落里……我热切地想看他的画,或许只是因为他的画让我感受到画中人一样的迷茫,而在此时,我又多了一层发现———是的,我发现了画中人的某种缺失,某种挫败,跟我一样。当然念扎的画也有个人的趣味,比如他的画会在不经意间再现日常生活的细节,就像那个骑自行车的康巴女子,露出的裤管竟然是镶边的红色运动裤,还有一双回力球鞋!我的确迷恋这样的细节。但这样的细节,似乎出现在他比较早期的画中,而今,他最多会把从高空中下坠的女子,在看似很惬意的缓慢下坠时,这片作为辽阔背景的大地,嗯,怎么类比呢?就像是飞机在不慌不忙地掠过青藏高原的上空时,几乎鼻子贴近舷窗往下俯视,恰恰正是念扎画中的群山在连绵起伏,间杂着星星点点乃至几乎隐而不见的西藏房屋。

当另外一些人,非要借助西藏(比如有个曾经在西藏多年的汉族画家,最近的行为艺术作品是:把@这个符号涂在西藏的嘛尼石上和经幡上)或者把某个场景西藏化,把某个人物更加地西藏化……这个画画的人,念扎,他却在放弃,在减少,犹如回到家中跟家人在一起,用不着刻意和修饰。

Dharamsala Alarmed at the rate Chinese Migrants Coming to Tibet

Reaffirms Commitment to the Middle-Way Approach

Central Tibetan Administration is deeply concerned at the acceleratingChinese immigration to Tibet, and intensified mineral exploitation.

"We cannot but be alarmed at the rate of Chinese migrant workers coming to Tibet and China's mining of various minerals on the Tibetan Plateau" said Kalon Tempa Tsering of the Department of Information and International Relations of the Central Tibetan Administration."

The pace of China's settlement of Tibet's urban centres with Chinese migrant workers and its exploitation of Tibet's mineral resources are undermining the ability of the Tibetan people to hold on to their distinct cultural heritage," Kalon Tempa Tsering said.

Kalon Tempa Tsering said, "It is precisely for this reason that we are firmly committed to the Middle-Way Approach of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, which will allow Tibetans to have an effective say in their affairs and the allocations of their resources without undermining Chinese sovereignty."

Kalon Tempa Tsering is reacting to news reports that say China is involved in mining of a host of minerals in Tibet and the unloading of thousands of Chinese migrant workers to Lhasa on a daily basis.There are two kinds of one-way traffic on the rail line, both harmful to Tibet. Coming in on one-way tickets, costing as little as $49 to come all the way from Beijing, are fortune seekers, often desperately poor, those displaced from the countryside by China' voracious demand for urban construction land.

Our sources on the ground estimate that the train to Lhasa, operational since July 2006, brings five or six thousand people a day to Lhasa, but when one observes the trains leaving Lhasa for China only two or three thousand people are aboard. They are the genuine tourists. The stayers are fortune hunters, seeking any niche they can find, often by elbowing aside Tibetans from even small street stall trading.

In 1950, the population of Lhasa, despite its spiritual importance to Tibetans, was only 20,000. Today, due to massive immigration attracted by China' overnment led urban construction boom, the population has swollen to nearly 300,000, occupying almost all the valley. Now there are reports that China target for Lhasa is a population of 700,000. Based on our observations of the train occupancy in and out of Lhasa, that target will be reached very quickly.

Kalon Tempa Tsering said, "The Tibetan Plateau cannot sustain such a population explosion. Already the Tibetans in Lhasa are a small quarter of the city, excluded from the construction boom all around them. We oppose all development project that does not benefit but marginalises Tibetan population socially and culturally."

Poor Tibetans live in shantytowns on the outskirts, seeking employment, only to be muscled aside by non-Tibetan immigrants who contribute nothing to the Tibetan economy, because they remit their savings to their home province.

The other equally alarming aspect of the one-way traffic is the export of minerals from Tibet to feed Chinese factories, said Kalon Tempa Tsering.

When the railway was first extended into Tibet in the 1980s, as far as the desert staging post of Gormo, the purpose was to extract Tibetan oil, which has gone, at rate of two million tons a year for the past 20 years. In addition China mines the salt lakes of the same area in the Tsaidam Basin on a large scale. Gas was discovered in huge amounts in the 1990s, also in theTsaidam Basin, and a pipeline was built to supply China hungry energy demand for fuels for manufacturing and electric power generation. Tibetan gas is now piped right across China.

China is investing huge effort of geological exploration, mapping mineral deposits all over Tibet. Recently the China geological survey announced the discovery of more than 600 new mineral deposits after concluding a seven-year geological study on Tibetan plateau, which has nothing less than $128 billion dollars worth of various minerals potential for extraction.

The biggest concern lies with two minerals: copper and chromite, particularly the major reserves currently under development and are easily accessible. For example: Shetongmon, close to Shigatse, the second city of Tibet, and the chromite deposits at Norbusa, close to the town of Tsethang and the chromite at Dongchao (Ch:Dongqiao), close to the rail line at the village called Draknak (Amdo County) in Nagchu Prefecture. In all three cases, the railway makes possible large-scale extraction, as each deposit is close to the railway, or to its proposed short extensions.

Yulong Copper mine, which is known to have world class potential, located in Chunyido village in Chamdo prefecture has remained undeveloped due to remoteness but infrastructure necessary for mining is now reportedly close to completion. Chromite mine in Dongchao, was also closed because of remoteness but now it is no longer remote due to railway, and it could re-open on a much bigger scale. Both copper and chromite are vital to China's development and industrialisation, but as a raw material are in very short supply. China has relied heavily on imports for these minerals for the past few decades.

Of the many mineral deposits found so far, few have been developed into full-scale commercial operations, largely because of the high transport costs of trucking ores out of Tibet on unreliable highways. It is further exacerbated by harsh climatic condition that forces the mine to remainclosed during the winter.

The arrival of the railway to Lhasa dramatically changes the economics of mineral exploitation, especially since it is not only the cost of a ticket to Lhasa that is subsidised; a freight subsidy also enables miners to send minerals out of Tibet for as little as US 1.5 cents per ton per kilometre.

Most of the Tibet's copper, including Yulong deposit is of prophyry type. Mines like these have to be large scale, extracting hundreds of tons of rocks per day in order to produce a profitable amount of processed or refined copper each year. The resulting need in all types of mine to dispose of large quantities of waste could severly impact the environment. Soil erosion, loss of biodiversity, grassland degradation and pollution of watercourses are some of the potential impacts of the mining. Mining waste contaminates the water bodies often leading to substantial reductions in water quality affecting the people living downstream and destroying aquaticecosystem. Tibet is the principal source of rivers flowing in Asia upon which 47% of world's total population depends for their livelihood.

Besides as has often been the case, local Tibetans displaced by the mine receive almost nothing for their compensation, and the skilled jobs invariably go to non-Tibetan immigrants. Chinese discrimination against Tibetans and increasing settlement of Chinese workers in Tibet with railway already in operation would not only transform Lhasa and other towns in Tibet but also will create new distinctly Chinese towns and villages just as it happened in Gormo which serves as a model of concern. This is the beginning of Chinese colonialism. Gormo, once desert area inhabited by few scattered nomads has now grown to a large town with 200,000 populations according to 2000 census out of which less than two per cent are Tibetan. It was initially established as prison farm and resource extraction site but since the arrival of railway, immigration and development has created a distinctly Chinese settlement.
March 15, 2007

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Suu Kyi 诗二首


Free bird towards a free Burma
By Daw Aung San Suu Kyi

My home...
where I was born and raised
used to be warm and lovely
now filled with darkness and horror.

My family...
whom I had grown with
used to be cheerful and lively
now living with fear and terror.

My friends...
whom I shared my life withu
sed to be pure and merry
now living with wounded heart.

A free bird...
which is just freed
used to be caged
now flying with an olive branch
for the place it loves.

A free bird towards a Free Burma.

飞向自由缅甸的自由鸟
作者:昂山素季

我的家......
生我养我
曾经是那么充满温暖和爱
如今充满黑暗与恐怖

我的亲人...…
曾经伴我长大
充满生机与愉快
如今生活在畏惧与恐惧中

我的朋友.....
与我同甘共苦
曾经单纯快乐
如今心灵破碎

一只自由鸟......
刚刚获得了自由
曾经囚于牢笼
如今飞翔橄榄树丛

选择心爱的地方

飞向它向往的方向

自由鸟飞向自由的缅甸


Why do I have to fight???
By Daw Aung San Suu Kyi

They killed my father a year ago,
And they burnt my hut after that
I asked the city men "why me?" they ignored
"I don't know, mind your business," the men said.
One day from elementary school I came home,
Saw my sister was lifeless, lying in blood.

I looked around to ask what happened, if somebody'd known,
Found no one but living room as a flood.
Running away by myself on the village road,
Not knowing where to go but heading for my teacher
Realizing she's the only one who could help to clear my throat,
But this time she gave up, telling me strange things in fear.

Why, teacher, why.. why.. why?
I have no dad nor a sister left.
To teach me and to care for me you said, was that a lie?
This time with tearful eyes she, again, said...
"Be a grown one, young man,
Can't you see we all are dying?
And stop this with your might as soon as you can,
For we all are suffering."


我为什么要战斗???
作者:昂山素季

一年前他们杀害了我父亲
又烧毁了我的屋子
我问城里人“为何是我?”

没人理睬
“我不知道,与我无关”, 那人说
上小学时,有一天放学回到家
看到姐姐停止呼吸,倒在血泊中


我到处问人发生了什么事 是否有人知道
无人应答
家像被洪水淹没 乡村路上我一个人独自狂奔
失去方向 当我最终奔向我的老师
以为她是我唯一能够倾诉的人
但这次她什么也没说放弃了,恐惧中告诉我了一些奇怪的事


为什么,老师,为什么,为什么......为什么?
我没有父亲,现在姐姐也走了
您曾告诉会教育我、会关怀我
难道那都是谎言?
这次含着泪,说道......

“你要长大,成人
你看不到我们都即将死去吗?
阻止它,尽快也许你还可以

因为我们都在忍受煎熬。”



I really enjoy reading Suu Kyi's writing, therefore, just translating some of her work for fun. But, really these words are so powerful, and I feel so strong about it.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Aung San Suu Kyi


,Aun San Suu Kyi (昂山素季),在我眼里是最美丽、最完美的女人。她,在一个柔弱的身躯内撑着刚强的傲骨,稳健地穿行在自由的路上。不记得是先认识Aun San Suu Kyi 还是先认识缅甸的。总之,她们是不可分的。这似乎有点象His Holiness the Dalai Lama 和西藏的关系。也许也正因为这样我一定要去Myanmar.

当时在计划要去缅甸时,唯一确定要去的地方是No.54 University Ave。记得在Yongon告诉那些在路上认识的游客,我要去University Ave时,很多人都说this is a bad idea. 但最后还是有一个愿意与我同行。

那天,我们打的先说是要去大学游泳,上了车又改了几次目的地。最后实在不行了,我就干脆直接跟他说,actually, we wanna go to No.54 Univeristy Ave. 这下司机一刹车,一回头what! you can not. 我们确实很想去看Aun San Suu Kyi被软禁的房子,但更不愿给司机惹上任何麻烦。所以,只有请他就近停车。说是only two blocks,但我们肯定最少也走了4个block。很热也很激动。一路还在设想万被一抓起来怎么办。在烈日下,在挂着很多很多红旗的街道前方,我们过了第一个检查站。还是一片红。路的两边都站着一些拿着枪的军人,气愤有点紧张,但我们却装出一幅轻松的样子走完了100米左右的戒严街道。过了后面的检查站,又想反正都已到这了,不如拍个照。据说这条街老外是不能进的,但我们做到了,哈哈。


后来,又跑去房子的后面。虽然什么也没看到,但我还是很满足。一路在想她在里面的生活。希望她健康,希望她和她的人民能坚持。

再后来,我又去了她的故居。虽已是政府名下的博物馆,但因为General Aung San 和Suu Kyi。可这次就没那么幸运,说是在维修没让进去。

In The Quiet Land
by Aung San Suu Kyi

In the Quiet Land, no one can tell
if there's someone who's listening
for secrets they can sell.
The informers are paid in the blood of the land
and no one dares speak what the tyrants won't stand.

In the quiet land of Burma,
no one laughs and no one thinks out loud.
In the quiet land of Burma,
you can hear it in the silence of the crowd
In the Quiet Land, no one can say
when the soldiers are coming
to carry them away.
The Chinese want a road; the French want the oil;
the Thais take the timber; and SLORC takes the spoils...

In the Quiet Land....
In the Quiet Land, no one can hear
what is silenced by murder
and covered up with fear.
But, despite what is forced, freedom's a sound
that liars can't fake and no shouting can drown.


在宁静的土地上
作者:昂山素季

在这宁静的土地上,
无人能够说话
如果有人正在窃听
为他们可出卖的秘密
告密者得到的报酬不过是使土地血流成河
没人胆敢说穿暴君的虚弱

在缅甸这块宁静的土地上,
没有笑声没人宣扬思想
在缅甸这块宁静的土地上,
沉默人群中你可以听到这一切
在缅甸这块宁静的土地上,
当士兵走过来
要拿走了这一切
中国只想要路;法国只想要石油;
泰国拿走了木材;而SLORC已瘫痪…

在宁静的土地上──
在这宁静的土地上,
没人能够听到
无声的杀戮和
惊恐的隐瞒
但迫害之下,仍有自由的声音
撒谎者欺骗不了谁
没有呐喊会被淹盖。

在西藏发生的摄影暴力

--- 唯色
1、对一次摄影行为的记忆

火车还没有开往拉萨之前,火车还没有把打算拍下“到此一游”的游客源源不断地送往布达拉宫之前,专业的不专业的“西藏照片”已经多如牛毛了。专业的不专业的摄影者们怀抱各式各样的摄影器材,满怀各式各样的热情奔走在有着另一种美的雪域大地上,捕捉着劈面相逢的瞬间渴望占为己有的异域镜像。早在几年前,在拉萨香火最旺的大昭寺,我对一次外来摄影行为引起争吵的记忆尤深。

一方是两个浑身摄影行头的内地男子,另一方是本来正跟裹着绛红色袈裟的僧人说话的两个汉地女居士和两个藏人女子。前者想猎奇,后者不让拍,于是吵起来了。有意思的是那两人竟然比遭到他们打扰的人更愤怒,非常炽盛的气焰把他们的脸都烧红了。为什么不能拍?你们有什么权利不许我们拍照?口气咄咄,挥舞着相机就像挥舞着武器。而他们的理由是,寺院是公共场所,所以想拍什么就拍什么,这是我们的权利;而对方的理由是,寺院是朝圣之地,我们既不是公共人物,更不是展品。

权利的说法并不那么简单,言下之意分明传达着权力者的自我感觉。而这种感觉或许来自他们的摄影身份,或许来自他们的自身品格,或许更是来自他们内心的帝国情结。我是这么一眼看穿的。

2、说得好听是占有,说得难听是掠夺

听说过一位摄影师的故事,当年他自掏腰包走遍西藏的时候是个画家。十多年前的西藏远比今天的西藏原滋原味原生态,足以令众多的艺术工作者为之抓狂。不但吃苦耐劳的精神可嘉,尤其是,把节衣缩食的银子付诸于并不便宜的胶卷、洗印更是令人感佩。但他还有一个爱好,走哪都要顺手牵点什么,比如大大小小的嘛呢石,比如羚羊角野牦牛头骨,甚至从一个偏僻的小寺院里将一尊小佛像揣入兜中。他声称这些都是他的素材。

其实不止他如此,有一位艺术工作者可谓较早到达如今已是旅游景点的藏北“骷髅墙”,他凭着下乡采风的名义,用不着买门票也用不着给看守人一点零钱,就从整体到局部尽情地拍了个够。拍则拍矣,但他期望的是把这些骷髅照片买个好价钱,却被同行中的另一位高手借口认识老外,于是连底片全都拿走,从此那人就变成第一个“发现”“骷髅墙”的人了。而我在一位作家的家中,见过数百个看上去年代久远的泥塑小佛像“擦擦”,这些从阿里古格废墟中找到的“擦擦”,背面还深深印着制作者拇指的纹路,如今都成了这位作家自称的藏品……而这样的行为艺术不胜枚举。

至于摄影也是这样——“穿脏兮兮的皮袍子的藏胞,转经的或辩经的人们,活佛与喇嘛,朝圣途中仆地前行的信徒,圣湖畔的玛尼堆,天葬台与秃鹫,雪山与冰川,藏戏与云朵……”,似乎不拍这些就不足以证明拍的是西藏。而拍这些时,广大摄影者们又是怎么去拍摄的呢?或者说,在摄影者与被摄影者之间,呈现的是一种什么样的关系呢?

3、当对方变成猎物

摄影者与被摄影者之间,应该建立的是一种人与人的关系,而不是猎人与猎物的关系,但遗憾的是,常常会有很多人把手中的相机视为武器,把别人视为猎物,产生予取予求的冲动和动作。
双方的态度十分耐人寻味。一些摄影者变得做作甚至古怪——说话怪里怪气,姿态怪模怪样,以为如此就会让对方就范,任其摆布。而被摄影者,且不说其传统中对摄影这种现代技术的抵触,即使古老的忌讳早已消散,但在偏僻的乡野依然古风犹存,为何对此就没有一点点尊重呢?即使古风早已荡然无存,如今许许多多土生土长的人们乐意把自己定格在相纸上,成为今后生活的纪念,但前提必然是愿意而不是不愿意,为何对此就没有一点点尊重呢?

有人这样回顾在进藏探险游中一群男女摄影者的拍摄经历:“1997年的藏北原野,那些纯朴的牧民对着几十架长枪短炮,脸上露出困惑的微笑。而特别活跃的这个女人,嘴里不断爆发出‘哦~呀’的声音,这种声音与其说是赞赏和鼓励,不如说是赤裸裸的挑逗,她用那种强烈的猎奇欲来挑逗镜头,难道这些进入镜头的牧民只是作为镜头前罕见的珍稀物种存在吗?”

事实上,摄影中的暴力就这么发生了。
事实上,在西藏发生的摄影暴力比比皆是。

4、与高原反应相似的变态行为

何以一位在此处摄影时知道收敛或者自律的摄影师,但在别处摄影时却变得肆无忌惮?何以在此处遵从的职责在别处却毫无约束力?何以在此处为对方所接受的权利在别处却不给予另一个对方?为什么会是这样?

当然那些内心里从来既无公德也无私德以至在哪里都留下坏名声的人,在此不必赘言。

这就不得不提到一个词:文化帝国主义。而文化帝国主义就像外来者在海拔高拔之地容易出现的症候——高原反应,许多人只要到了边疆,其心态的转变就像高原反应立即发生,那是一种自我优越甚至傲慢的心态,哪怕被掩饰得很好,却会在诸多行为中表露无疑。文化帝国主义,我自忖这是对在西藏发生的摄影暴力并不过分的注脚。

类似的摄影暴力也同样出现在其他媒介当中。或许人们认为重在结果的呈现,而不是过程中的反常,于是不仅原谅、忽略而且纵容。然而即便是在技术上十分完美的作品,看上去再现的是西藏,却是借那种与高山反应相似的变态力量极其肤浅地再现了他们以为的西藏。而那些被摄影者往往是沉默的大多数,他们除了躲避或者表露拒绝乃至愤怒的表情往往是没有声音的,即使当场发出不满的声音,也因为语言不通而被当作另一种物种的私语。

但愿我的坦率不会被误解为一个民族主义者的表达。其实我知道当我这么评说时存在一种风险,对此我只能辩解:如果前提不是基于对方的无助、被动和沉默,如果从一开始就尊重既特殊、差异又互相重叠与关联的历史经验、生命体验,难道就拍不出关于西藏的好照片吗?

5、妖魔化或神圣化的西藏在被拍摄之后

历来对于西藏抱有两种最典型的态度:妖魔化或神圣化;尤其经由各类媒介的再现各有广泛的影响,专业的和不专业的区别无非在于一个巧妙一个拙劣而已,但结果都一样:使西藏失真,使西藏人失真。这就像当代卓越的批评大师爱德华•萨义德评述西方媒体眼中的穆斯林世界:当伊斯兰被报道了,伊斯兰也就被遮蔽了。

随着现代交通工具的日益方便给西藏带来的犹如过江之鲫的游客,在专业和不专业的西藏摄影中出现的摄影暴力也愈发突出,换句话说,这是现代化的暴力加剧了摄影暴力。理所当然地,当地人曾经的沉默会逐渐地转化成各种明显反对的方式。有意思的是,这反倒招来了被反对的一方同样激烈的反应:或勃然大怒,或痛心疾首,或失望透顶等等,却少有冷静的反思和自责。

是快速发展的商业化戕害了西藏人的心,使之变成动辄收费、斤斤计较的狡诈之徒?还是所有的包括文化帝国主义的强制行为早已损害了西藏人的尊严?事实上,西藏既不是人们想像中的净土,也不是人们想像中的秽土;西藏和世界上任何一个地方一样,是人所生活的土地。

当然也有很多好照片在传播西藏的精神,西藏人的精神;其中有着我们完整的生活、情感和文化。我相信这首先是基于一种人道的立场上实现的。

所以,我在我的朋友、摄影师陈小波的博客上关于西藏摄影到底怎样拍的讨论后面,看到这段跟贴倒是颇以为然:“为了拍照而去西藏,为了拍照而拍照,所谓摄影家或者摄影人也很可怜。最好的场面是西藏百姓自己有数码照相机,随时记录自己的生活,自己看自己,自己乐自己,有自己的发表影像权。等到西藏人人都是摄影人,一切就无所谓了。你拍我,我还拍你呢,谁稀罕谁?”

2006-9-17,北京

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Job, enjoy or..?


没有分配是现实,但现在的大学生竟然变得如此现实不仅让我吃惊,更让我伤心。特别是看到自己同胞的这种心态。前几天Ten朋友的朋友跟我打听以前我工作的情况。以为至少会问一些专业、技术和工作风气的问题,结果都是关于待遇,关于工作环境的舒服度,而我所说的本质问题,她根本就没当一回事。有些担忧,如果这样的人进入公司,会对公司解决问题有什么帮助吗?

I don't know sometime I am too critical not just for myself but other as well. But, I think nothing wrong with a critical eyes, especially when you have to make a decision for a job. Because that is the most of your life time, and it is better do something you love, you enjoy and make some contribution to the society in some way. Therefore, I rejected UNDP and I refused to working with a foreign mining company in Tibet. However, sometime I am also questioning myself if I really can make a different or not.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Thanakha

My first Thanakha was given by Pan as a present from Ruili. I remember I used it as some kind of facial mask. But, in Myanmar locals wearing Thanakha as make up, and also said it provides protection from sunburn, and removal of acne and smooth skin. So, wearing Thanakha is acceptable in different ages.



Waiwai, a very sweet girl in Mandalay. That day, I was at her home and saw she was making the Thanakha cream from Thanakha tree.



On the road, someone told me Thanakha is mainly worn by girls. If a man wears Thanakha then people consider him as a gay. But, I wondered.


Saturday, March 10, 2007

Let’s insist on Our Culture by Oser

Tibet today has gradually become less Tibetan. Tourists from far away are often disappointed; people have been saying that “Lhasa is the clone of Chengdu.” I counted once that within the distance of one hundred and perhaps a few more meters from my family home in the New Shol Village behind the Potala to the entrance of the nearest street, I totally ran into 37 Han Chinese and 5 Tibetans. The increasing immigrants are apparently an important reason for Tibet’s change.

Can Tibetans resist such a heavy wave of migration? The answer is undoubtedly pessimistic. We live on our own land but are not the ones in charge of this land. Tibet has been ruled by a supreme power for the last half century. The difference between us and the supreme power manifests not only through military and economic forces. Solely in terms of the population, how can 6,000,000 Tibetans compete with the Han Chinese population which is 200 times larger than us? Therefore, ideas of violent resistance would not make any more difference than throwing eggs at a rock. It might appear brave and tragic, but would not help alter the overall conditions we are facing.

However, no supreme power is absolutely irresistible. The power of resistance in fact exists in our traditional culture. I have in Amdo seen a mural painting in a monastery. On the painting, the helmeted soldiers of justice are opening fire toward their enemies. The bullets shooting out of these soldiers’ weapons turn into flowers. How should these flowers blooming on the wall of the monastery be understood? -- They symbolize the compassion and wisdom embedded in the traditional Tibetan culture.

Yes, our traditional culture is our single weapon.

Historically, the iron hoofs of the Mongolian army conquered a large part of the world. All of China was defeated; Chinese had to hand over their imperial dynasty to the Mongolian rulers. On the contrary, why, instead of being conquered or destroyed by the valiant Mongolians, did Tibetans become religious teachers of them? Why have Tibetans and Mongolians remained brothers to each other to this day?

If our Tibetan tradition had been able to tame Mongolians in the past, why couldn’t it pacify the contemporary Chinese?

It is worth remembering that the Han Chinese have long believed in Buddhism. Although the size of the Chinese Buddhist population might be smaller than the Tibetan one, and although it is common for Chinese Buddhism to be mixed with superstitions and mundane motivation of the believers, the religion has after all spread widely and remains very influential among the Han Chinese.

Therefore, because of its well-preserved lineages, its rich and colorful rituals, its fully developed philosophical foundations, and its incredibly attractive artistic expressions, Tibetan Buddhism is able to convince many Han Chinese. In fact, while it is a common scene in Lhasa that Chinese migrant laborers worship and make their offerings in the monasteries, the elite population in China has just begun to feel their need for the religion.

Tibet has long become a fancy attraction in international society. Under the leadership of the Dalai Lama, the Tibetans who were forced into exile have brought Tibetan civilization into the larger world. “Tibet Fever” and “Fever of Tibetan Culture” that have been so popular and even become a fashion are the contributions of the exiled Tibetans. Such a fashion has then turned around to attract the Chinese elites. While they are “hooked up” with the international trend, they also have began to be “connected” with Tibet. Among the non-stop immigrants who have entered Tibet, some deserve more of our attention. The interest of these immigrants in Tibet is due to their interest in Tibetan culture; their expectation for Tibet is because of their expectation for Tibetan culture.

In Tibet, I became friends with many Chinese of this kind. One of my friends wrote about how he felt after his first encounter with Tibetan civilization: “It is a thunderstorm-like shocking and a muteness.… It is a natural reaction when my presumptuous cognition is abruptly overturned by the different civilization that I have just met.” Having heard the laughing coming from the tents of Tibetans on a stormy night on Mount Everest (Jhomo Langma), another friend concluded: “One day when only one people and their civilization is left on the earth, it has to be the Tibetans and their ancient civilization that emphasizes the oneness between nature and culture.”

A nation’s culture begins to gain strength when it can hold onto its own fundamental attributes, when these attributes are lasting without interruption, and when they are down to earth and not falling into nihilism. Would such strength be sufficiently respected by others? Would such strength provide us enough protection and even help us defend against the supreme power? These concerns are relevant to everyone in the nation.

Let’s insist on the cultural tradition of ourselves – instead of accepting the authoritarian domination of the totalitarian regime, instead of running after the materialistic currents of the modern world. A combination of these two factors would be a strong damaging force which could directly pierce into the soul of the Tibetan nation.

Let’s insist on the cultural tradition of ourselves. I am neither encouraging ignorance nor promoting conservativism. Instead, I am talking about a cultural choice – particularly among the elite Tibetans. All of the intellectuals, professionals, monastics, and officials should take upon themselves to become the role models for average Tibetans, to educate the latter that the “benevolent gifts” from the supreme power are not necessarily good, and that running after materialism will not necessarily bring us joy or satisfaction. Instead, we should walk on our own path.

Let’s insist on the traditional culture of ourselves. This principle should be applied to the details of our everyday lives and to every aspect of our spiritual lives. Although it is not very convenient to go to work in the Tibetan clothes that have derived from the nomad culture, we should still wear them in our offices. Although it is not an easy task to communicate in Tibetan in the midst of 1,200,000,000 Han Chinese, we should still keep speaking the language, which functions to preserve our memory of history. We live in Tibetan houses. We celebrate Tibetan holidays. At home, we hang thangkas, light butter lamps, and invite Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, and lamas in burgundy robes to accept our reverence. Even though we do not have the power to hinder the Chinese government’s railroad construction and their mining and other developments, we can at least restrain ourselves from building hotels, restaurants, and shops of the Chinese style, and from the Chinese way of using gambling, KaraOke, and Han or Tibetan prostitutes to attract customers and tourists.

We should not use flatteries to exchange immediate economic interests. If the Han Chinese want to come to our place, sorry, they must behave in accordance with the Tibetan manners. They should respect what we respect, and honor what we honor. In this way, they would be forced to become cautious and careful about their conduct. Therefore, even if it might sound very artificial, we should still try to produce a thick Tibetan cultural atmosphere.

This is indeed a cultural choice. We don’t have other options besides it, because we are on the weaker side when it comes to a comparison of material power. This is a reality.

We can otherwise be more open-minded in importing foreign formulae, accepting new things, and nurturing more diversified ways of life in our indigenous land. However, because we are on the weaker side and nothing too much has survived after the damage done to us, we have to insist on everything in our culture and tradition. No matter how small these things might appear, we have to make efforts to ensure that they are not going to be washed away by the overwhelming waves.

In fact, we should be full of confidence, because our cultural tradition remains illuminating after so many hardships and stormy struggles. As one of my Chinese friends has said, “The remedy that can cure illness and diseases in the world remains hidden in Tibet.” Our culture and tradition is exactly the remedy. If we don’t value it, how would it be able to treat the also sickened Tibet? If we ourselves have given up and only know how to imitate and chase profitable opportunities, Tibet will be saturated with various “clones” from inland China. Eventually, we would become strangers in our own land.

There is no reason for us, that is, for every Tibetan, to become just like the Han Chinese or any other people. Although today’s world is undergoing “globalization” and becoming a so-called global village, if we want to have a seat in the village, to join the diverse community but maintain our unique character, to win over our rights, to have our voices heard, and to be ourselves, we have only one choice which is to insist.

If we still care about Tibet’s existence, we have to insist on our Tibetan cultural tradition. Under the circumstances, we might not be able to get rid of Chinese rule. However, it is totally possible for each Tibetan to insist on our culture. Don’t complain about the environment, don’t withdraw from our responsibilities, let each of us start from ourselves – to insist. This is the hope we can pass on to future generations.
3/10/2005 in Beijing

Friday, March 09, 2007

out of place

I cannot believe I was laid off for three months. In fact, if it was not those friends keep asking me what I am doing these days, I am kind of happy with myself. But, as saying goes when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Therefore, in Tibet I better do as most of Tibetans do, in other word, just blindly follow the center government’s order and role, and try to be a Chinese. But, I know I cannot, so, I always feel out of place in Lhasa, and sometime even few foreign in my own country.

Really wanna start a new job, or maybe I should just go to Africa or other Asian countries as a volunteer, so that at least I can enjoy my work and still help others.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Myanmar trip 2


I took a public bus early morning from Mandalay to Bagan. It was a very intereting to traveling with local people. Except the bus seat I cannot complain my decision, very friendly people and beautiful scenery. Moreover, i was lucky enough to changed sate in the frond. So the whole trip I was seating with 4 Burmese girls at the front.

Mandalay Bus Station

Lunch break from Mandalay to Bagan

Sunrise in old Bagan


Sunset


pick-up
a small village just behind my guesthouse



People, animal and the old Bagan

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Myanmar trip 1


Time goes by so fast. My 22 days trip in Myanmar ends without notice.

As I was traveling by myself i didn't have a concrete itinerary but wants to see more local people and spend sometime in rural villages. I started my trip from Mandalay, 3 days but had such a great first impression which i am sure will last forever.





Pray for Peace & Freedom
祈祷和平与自由






childhood
童年





Watching sunset
观赏日落















Market & Books
集市与书




















Beach Ball & White Pollution
沙滩足球 & 白色污染





Ayeyarwady River & Life
伊洛瓦底江 & 生活










is a child labor? !
童工?!

















Market
市场













cheap "Made in China" in Manalay
处所可见的"中国制造"


















Vegetable Market
菜市场


Tuesday, February 27, 2007

a lazy winter


...I feel so lazy....

回来都一个月了,就是懒得写博。在缅甸、在路上还坚持写游记,可一回来似乎进入冬眠了。真后悔没有去柬埔寨和越南。也许是因为缅甸的阳光海滩,觉着今年LS的冬天似乎出奇的冷,而我又出奇的闲。希望这个冬天快点过去。

Sunday, February 25, 2007

与"藏族小姐"的半夜对话[转]


怪杰与布日小姐的半夜对话在述说现代化进程中的西藏故事......

A)
"你在哪里?"

"我在陕西路旁的乡情茶馆,你过来吧,就我一个。"

打这电话的准确时间,应该是7月10日凌晨几分,对象则是我的一位好友。别看他平时话不多,挺腼腆的样子,但这回叫我去乡情茶馆时,很是干脆。而我丝毫也不觉意外,这正印证了所谓"英雄本'色'"这句成语。我毫不犹豫地答应了他的邀请,打的直奔目的地。呵呵,我是为着长长见识。

B)
和朋友上了乡情茶馆的二楼包厢,很快就有两个年轻的女子来接待了,一聊得知一个是拉萨的,一个是林芝的。各个房间都闪烁着现代化茶馆特有的那种暧昧的红灯,气氛很热烈,以至于我们可以清楚地听见隔壁房间的姑娘们伺候客人的声音。

桌上摆了几罐百威啤酒,这可不是我乐意喝的,于是我叫了绿茶,既对身体好,也比较划算。拉萨女孩坐到了我旁边,带着点醉意开始嘀咕:"大哥,你是哪里的啊?我家在八廊学一带……你家在团结新村啊,那认识罗布次丹、桑吉吗?"可她说的这些名字我一个都没听过,更别提认识了。

"我只认识比较有名的那些。

"没错,他们都很有名的打架超厉害".

听着这稚嫩的回答,我汗了一下。仔细瞧了瞧她,还真挺靓的,尤其是那双眼睛,不大不小,极会传神。于是,打从这一刻起,我就对自己说:"如果要选择,我就选你!"

C)
朋友在旁边很郁闷的样子,这让我有点为难,按说我一个新手在这样的新环境下应该显得比较拘谨,比较那么没话讲,可是面对老手的沉默不语,一时间我还真想不出什么好法子。于是我们打牌,将他看似中意的那姑娘叫了过来,但还是无法改变尴尬的局面。再后来,我干脆提议各包一个姑娘走人时,他才露出了一丝微笑。也难怪,这原本就是来这里的目的嘛。

每个姑娘的包价是150RMB ,这比包汉族的要便宜很多。据我所知,那些汉族小姐只有到了凌晨五六点才会把价格降到150RMB。

收钱的老板娘在一楼,头发很长,个很高,给人康巴姑娘的印象,后来得知果然是,老家巴塘,脾气暴躁,动不动就骂她的姑娘们。

D)

和拉萨姑娘在附近的一家招待所定了一套房间后,我们打开电视说亮话。这期间,她几次提议要我上床睡觉,都被我拒绝了。我更愿意跟她说话。很惊讶,她也喜欢听JAY的歌,于是我把她抱在怀里唱了首《双截棍》,嘿嘿,可以说这是收买人心的第一步吧。打从我决定包她开始,我的脑袋里就转着个念头: "如果能趁此机会让她讲讲她的故事,那我一直筹备的那篇《一个藏妓的自白》岂不是有材料了?"所以我打消了跟她干那事的想法,准备慢慢地套她的话。

"我这个人呢,就是有个优点,看人挺准的。我猜你走上这条路,可能跟你的朋友有关。像你这种人,往往是属于比较重情义的那种,如果朋友哪天背叛了你,你就会走上歪路。还有就是,你可能从小被家人给宠坏了,很任性,先是过放荡不拘的生活,然后走上了这条路。"我摆出一副能掐会算的架势。

果然,她转过身来对我说:"你猜的基本正确。"接着又掉过头去,用被子盖住了全身。面对我,她显然有点害羞,毕竟大家差不多是同龄人,而且是老乡。对我来说,花钱干那事,也的确不习惯。

我趁热打铁,用非常平和的语气要求她给我讲讲她的故事,主要讲讲她是怎么走上这条路的。并诱导说,有时候,可以试着将心里藏着的话说给某个信任的人听,这样就会舒服很多。

功夫不负有心人,在我多次恳求之后,她终于将自己的心酸故事对我一一道来:

E)
"我是家里最小的孩子,所以家人很疼爱我,不管我做什么,都不会干预。这样一来,我就慢慢学会了放纵。特别是在我13岁上小学6年级时,我压根儿就没有上过学,整天和朋友一起泡酒吧,去冷饮店和朗玛厅。后来家人见实在管不住,就没让我去上学,而是要求我整天呆在家里,做个乖乖女,这哪能让我撑得住啊?所以我偷偷从家里溜走,和朋友一起过着当时以为很快乐、很自在的日子,有时晚上都不回家。"

讲到这,她有点哽咽,像是对过去所犯错误表示悔过。

"今年初,我和朋友在海关附近的一家酒吧打工,赚点小钱,毕竟花父母的钱我自己也觉得不舒服。酒吧老板人很好,而且我们可以不用干那事。有时晚上去不了,工资还是会照样发的。平时我们除了陪酒外,如果客人提议包,那是绝对不会同意的。可是那天不知中了什么魔,有两个甘孜人在喝完酒后说要带我和朋友去罗布林卡附近的舞厅玩,我们很愉快地接受了。 "

"本来那两个甘孜人说好要带我们去舞厅的,可眼看就到舞厅,他们却突然要我们进附近一家招待所。我们觉得有点不对劲,想不去,但见那两个甘孜人凶巴巴的样子,也只能顺从了。一进屋,马上又有两个人进来了,拿着刀子要挟我们跟他们上路边的一辆车,如果反抗,就是死路一条。结果,我们坐了两天两夜的车,途中还不许我们开窗往外望。直到下车时,才知道原来已经到了阿里。"

听到这,我忍不住问她是否想家,她停顿了一下,然后说每当夜半醒来时,常常会因想家而哭泣,后悔当初没听父母的话。可是又能怎么办呢?挟持她们的老板让她们断绝了与亲戚朋友的一切联系,如果发现谁打电话到家或准备逃跑,那下场肯定很惨。

"有时我很想打电话到家里,告诉他们我在阿里快来救我,但又怕他们要是真来了,会跟甘孜人发生打架伤人甚至要命的事,只好算了。所以到现在为止,我还没跟家人打过一次电话,他们也肯定想不到我会在阿里。"

我注意到她的眼睛,好像湿润了,但她不肯承认这个事实,可能是因为好面子的缘故吧。我可以理解她的畏惧心情,在西藏,特别是在卫藏一带,甘孜人有一个绰号,叫"甘孜乔邦",指的是他们像流氓一样,什么事都干,而且打架也特厉害,所以卫藏人一般都不会惹他们。

"那你没想过逃走吗?比如趁没人注意,偷偷坐上离开阿里的车。"我有点好奇地问。

"当然想啊,但我还是怕,怕车开到半路就被老板拦截,那样后果就更惨了。没办法,听说老板在阿里熟人特多。而且阿里这儿的茶馆里,像我一样被拐骗的女孩很多,没人管的。"

我想也是,没有一个左右逢源的人际关系网络,谁敢开这种违反法律、违反道德的"藏茶馆"呢?她还说曾有个熟人来过茶馆,见到她的现状后心里不忍,准备带她一起回拉萨。那人是个导游司机,机会实在难得,但她犹豫再三,最后还是谢绝了,一来怕会给司机带来不必要的麻烦,二来怕要是真回去了,又如何面对家人和朋友?她叹了一口气,用"好像又魔鬼附身了一样"这句话,来解释为什么会错过这么好的机会。

"到阿里两个多月了,这期间我真正喜欢过的男生只有一个,他在噶尔县工作。可是后来老板得知我们的关系后,马上要我断绝跟他的联系。我很伤心,那几天哭得把枕头都湿透了。那男生之后来过几次,给老板说要出200RMB包我,老板还是没答应,听他的一个朋友说那些天他情绪很低落,还时不时跟人吵架。你看,我肩上的疤痕就是那时候留下的,我习惯在极度难过时用刀割伤自己。干这行真是没有任何自由,我们就像是被囚禁在一座无形的监狱里。

"是啊,看得出来,虽然你们每次面对客人都一脸的笑意,但我想,其实你们的内心还是很痛苦的。"我一本正经地总结道。

她笑了一下,说:"嗯,是啊,所以每次喝酒我都会很积极,因为麻醉后可以让我暂时忘却烦恼。

"怪不得你肚子这么大啊,跟你的细腿太不搭配了,谁会相信这么大的肚子属于一个19岁的女孩呢?再说现在不是流行减肥吗?哈哈!"说完,我厚着脸皮摸了下她那啤酒肚,弹性够大。她应该是感到有点不好意思了吧,马上把身子转了过去,我想她不会介意我这么直白的,毕竟正如她说,我们都是生长在同一个地方的嘛。

"那,"我提出了最后一个问题:"有没有老伯,包你干那事?"虽然我尽量问得小心翼翼,但并没听到她的任何回音。

F)
快到四点钟时她开始嚷着要回去了。"我们四点要回去,然后呆到早上八点才能睡觉,下午六点起床。我都不知道这日子是怎么过的,如果回去迟到,又要挨骂,求求你让我回去吧。"

临走前,她还告诉我所得钱是4,5分成的,衣服之类的生活用品都得靠自己去买,有时走在街上,真怕会被曾经的熟人认出,想报警吧,又怕老板早已跟他们打成一片。她还叮嘱我千万不要把今晚说的话告诉任何人,她带点悔意说以前有好多客人问她的事情,她都没有说过。我暗自庆幸自己能成为她的故事的第一个听众,也理解她这么急着回去可能是又想用酒来麻醉自己,毕竟第一次跟一个陌生人说这么多心里话,心里难受是难免的。我安慰她,说会替她想出个两全其美的逃跑办法,其实在心底里,我还真的想不出什么好办法。

独自躺在旅舍里感触颇深,平时我们总是看不起那些所谓的"小姐",但谁又能理解她们背后的那些心酸故事呢?究竟是她们的错,还是那些威逼她们的老板们的错,或者说是如今这样的社会环境的错?这可真是个很难回答的问题。窗外开始下小雨了,这是阿里今年夏天的第一场雨。电视里正在直播世界杯决赛,而镜头恰恰是齐达内愤怒地向队手"撞头"而去的情景,我惊讶地笑了,而后沉沉睡去。

G)
两个月后,当我再次到城里时,特意约上朋友去那个茶馆再看了看,但没想到却已经面目一新,完全变成了正宗的茶馆。至于原因,不得而知。里面的人也换了,那个跟我聊了半夜的拉萨女孩也不见踪影。

有着啤酒肚的拉萨女孩,你现在怎么样?你是回到了亲人的身边,还是继续过着"小姐"的生活?

2006.9.5日晚

(注:人名地名均为化名)

责任编辑:唯色